Granny D

Today is January 25th, my late grandmother's birthday. My own was three days ago, on the 22nd. When I was growing up we often went out for dinner and celebrated together since our birthdays were so close together, and it always made me feel special. My grandmother was such a cool lady - warm, funny, and positive. She was the kind of person whom others admired; she didn't inspire jealousy, but rather respect. I remember once a much younger man telling me, "Your grandmother was the most beautiful woman in town, period". And that had as much to do with her personality as her natural beauty. Just before she died she sent me a note reminding me that one of her favorite quotes was "Moderation in all things". How well she knew me. I didn't take the advice right away, but it resonated, and like so many other things she said and did over the years, it made a great impression on me. I always miss her around this time of year.
So I was walking around Shanghai today wondering if my grandmother knows what I'm up to. Does she know I'm living here? I'm sure she does...her spirit does. I had a funny idea of her looking down at me and wondering why I get such a kick out of this place. Moderation isn't exactly the city's motto, after all. I don't think it would have been her cup of cha, but I know she would love to hear about it all. So this day I am writing to 'Old Gran Gran'.
It was another nice day out today. Not to dwell on the weather, but two in a row is something to um, write home about. It's freaky how close the weather and seasonal patterns are between Shanghai and New York. Except for the dampness here, today could have been any winter's day in NYC. And Spring will give everyone false hope around the end of March, and then annoy us for most of April, before finally giving in and becoming beautiful for a minute before the sticky heat of summer sets in. But now it's cold and windy, and people are bustling about, getting on with whatever they have to do in their Shanghai heat-seeking missile kinda way. Today a guy on an electric bicycle (what's the deal with these anyway, do they have no brakes?) came barreling around the corner of Madang Lu and Xingye Lu at full speed and nearly took me out. He saw me crossing the road well ahead of him, but instead of slowing down (God forbid) he just put his well-worn loafers to the asphalt and started skidding along - just in case I decided to actually not yield to him. In the Shanghai hierarchy of street power he is technically higher than me on the food chain, but only just. Therefore if I had gone for it and he hadn't been able to stop (actually there is no way he could have, it would have been something more like a spectacular swerve) and he took me out, I suppose I would be at fault somehow. So scraping along, legs akimbo, he came right at me with his head lowered and a look of pure determination on his weather beaten face. There was just enough room for him to get between me and the sidewalk I had almost reached. I was clearly there ahead of him, so I thought no problem, he'll either stop (when will I learn?) or he'll go around me. But not our kid - he bore down and kicked it up a notch, emitting a low, guttural warning along the lines of "Eehehehhehheeee!" as he whisked past, just squeezing through the few feet of space between me and the sidewalk, and almost taking my laptop bag with him.
Now, I won't go into the various (and rather unpleasant) exchanges I've had with these guys (and girls, and grans), but I will say that it always leaves me feeling unfulfilled. I mean, what did he gain by that bit of daredevilry? Did he shave a few seconds off his trip? Was his trip so important that it was worth hitting me (or more likely me hitting him). Was he some kind of high level courier carrying highly sensitive documents? A doctor, perhaps? No, he was just a guy on a bike going from points A to B. But in the only way that most Shanghainese seem to know: Me first. Let me clarify that actually. I don't mean 'me first' like you might hear in a therapy session in Manhattan ("New York is such a 'me first' kinda town..."). This is more like just 'Me'. I don't think most Shanghainese really take anyone else into consideration. It's not like they are actually against you, or even competing with you (with the exception of cabs, but that's a whole other level of deceit), but hard to imagine as it may seem, they aren't even really aware of you. They just know what they want to do, and where they are going, and anything in the way of that is just an obstacle. So beware your neighbors getting onto the elevator as you're checking your mailbox. If you don't yell out to them they won't hold it for you - they're in a hurry. Beware the lovely girl who walks right next to you as you're obviously looking for a cab; so is she, and she doesn't even see you dude. Yes, beware I say! Beware the quaint old grannie standing behind you, now beside you, now wedging her way around and...thrusting her electric bill in front of you at the convenience (or China) store. Beware.
And so as I imagined my grandmother looking down on me today I thought how she would have been appalled at such behavior. It goes against everything she stood for. She would have really gotten miffed, outright anger not really being part of her repertoire. But then I also remembered the second half of that note she wrote me almost twenty years ago. In its entirety the note said:

'Remember my two favorite mottos - "All things in moderation" and "To thine own self be true"...That and a good sense of humor and you can't go wrong!'

So here I am, appalled and laughing at the same time. So attracted to this city and these strange people I'm so fascinated by; and more importantly laughing at myself. I can't afford to be too judgemental. I'm living in their world.